


man vs. boy

by Bishmonster



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Fluff, Gen, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I need a nap, drunk naps, heart achy naps, naps, ugly orange leather couch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-28 08:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13267698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bishmonster/pseuds/Bishmonster
Summary: drunk darcy is hidden by Tony





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> unsure if this is going to get any bigger than this.

“Tony.”

“Tony.”

“Tony!!!!!!”

“What Pepper? What do you want?” he hadn’t meant to yell. Ok. So maybe a little. Couldn’t she see he was being a genius? 

“Don’t take that tone with me.” She reared back like he might lash out at her. Or she might be getting ready to slap the shit out of him. 

“How’s Happy?” he asked. Even though he had talked to the man at breakfast. In his ugly bathrobe and sleep rumpled hair. Sleep rumpled from Pepper’s 1000 count sheets. 

“He’s fine.” She was blushing. Tony only remembered the one time when he had made her blush that way. Long before Ironman or the Avengers. 

“You needed something?” He went back to his soldering. It was safe there.

“What? Right. Oh. Yes. The girl. Where is she?” Pepper looked at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised in the way the Black Widow formally known as Natalie Rushman had taught her. 

“Why would a girl be in the Shop? You always assume these things. And you know what they say about assuming…” He really didn’t have the heart to rehash all the old things. 

“Focus Tony.” She was moments away from snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“You have my undivided.” He looked at her without actually seeing her. Things were so much better that way. The hurt didn’t ache quite as much. 

“The lab assistant. Where is she?” A slow tapping Louis Vuitton indicating her impatience.

“The intern?” 

“She’s a paid lab manager. With Benefits. Where is she?”

“Pep. I literally have no idea what you are talking about. There is no intern here.” A hundred percent truth.

“Tony! This is serious.” She raised her voice. A warning shot. She didn’t know that he no longer needed her approval. 

“I will let you know if I see her.”

“I find it curious you don’t ask why.” Pepper waited for him to raise to her baiting. He was tempted. Sorely tempted but in the end, remember what was greater and what was good. For the moment, the greater was tucked inside Mach 62 with his best bottle of bourbon. Pepper rat-a-tat-tatted again. Tony waited her out. She narrowed her pretty green eyes and spun around like it was the damn ballet. “Goodbye Tony.” And for a moment it was just like it had been last year when she was walking away from him as a man. As a lover. It hurt all over again, the way he liked to pretend it didn’t.

He waited a beat, then two, until he was sure she was gone. “Friday. Privacy mode. No one gets in.”

“As you wish.”

“And when things settle down, I want to know who reprogrammed you to speak in All Things Princess Bride mode.”

“The dread Pirate Roberts.” 

“Friday. No more sass! Open Mach 62.”

He was there to catch her. She was giggling. Blue eyes wide with delight at their trick and sloppy with alcohol. He knew letting her at the good stuff was a bad idea. But boy, had she needed it. 

“My hero!” She cried out and hugged his middle tight. Just as suddenly, she went limp, passed out on the expensive spirits. 

“Well. Shit.” Tony looked to the ceiling, finding no help there, he picked her up. She curled into his chest like a kitten, her drunk snores, little purrs. Tony walked her to his ugly orange leather couch. The one he refused to give up. It was the best napping couch. She didn’t want to let go but he got her settled anyway, tucked under the chenille napping blanket. Tony slid off her Chuck Taylors and made sure her feet were covered. Then he sat down. Just for a little bit. Just for a moment. Just… until things went a little dark. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is confronted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe. I should probably reread these before I post. but I'm not gonna. Enjoy lovelies!

**(((Three hours earlier.)))**

 

There were very few things that could surprise Tony Stark into silence and one of them was the right cross aimed into the face of a baby faced cherubic looking boy from a short pixie of lushness. She had the coldest and deadliest look on her gorgeous face. Tony could feel his cock swell in the most uncomfortable manner as she reared back and popped the boy in the face with a bare-knuckled and precise fist. The crack of the boy’s nose was loud, jarring Tony into grabbing the girl’s wrist and dragging her out of R&D and into his own private lab. A place she was familiar with. She went straight for the liquor cabinet.

“Rough day?” He asked lackadaisically. She snorted in a way that contained no humor then swigged right from the bottle. She was going to regret that later* he thought but he liked the way she focused hard and fast on getting boozed up. His kind of girl. He wished.

“Understatement Stark. Thanks for playing.” The sass. He loved the sass.

“Tell Daddy Stark all about it.” He patted his lap lasciviously. Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Don’t tease Big Papa.” She drank more. A girl on a mission.

“Seriously though. As your boss, I need to know what type of legal action to take. You assaulted him, plan as the break in his cartilage.”

“You’re not my boss.” She reminded him tartly.

“That’s right.” He pretended like he remembered.

“Pepper is my boss.” She said a little more gentle before handing him the bottle. The round and woody smell of aged scotch wafted between them.

“Spill Shortstack.” He joined her in the drinking. It was nearly ten o’clock. Why the fuck not?

“Mary in accounting. Jennie the intern. The fucking barista at Starbucks. Somebody named “Kitten”. Plus, there are the nudes he took of me when I was sleeping and showed his buddies. One of them had the wherewithal to let me know. Then expected me to give him head.”

Tony handed the bottle back to her.

“Friday! Make a note.”

“As you wish.”

“Stop speaking in Princess Bride mode.”

“Get used to disappointment.” Friday said cheerfully.

Darcy snickered and drank. She had started humming to herself and wandering around the tables, picking things up she usually ignored. Tony grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and tossed it her way. It dropped with a thud. She laughed and stooped sideways to pick it up. She landed on her hip and laughed more.

“You’re already fucking drunk.” He hadn’t meant to sound incredulous.

“Yep!” She popped the “p” and picked herself up off the floor. “ooooohhhh! Couch!” She raised her finger in the air and stumbled her way to the monstrous thing in the corner.

 

**(((That Night.)))**

 

This wasn’t good. It wasn’t the crick in his neck or the way he felt grimey from sleeping the lab again. It wasn’t even the way Darcy had curled into his lap, her beautiful face too close to his dick. It was the dark still face from one very upset Black Widow staring down at him with judgement and murder. One high heeled boot tapping at him rhythmically. What was it with red heads and foot tapping. Was it instinctual? Was there a required class? Tony shuddered to think of a room full of Titian beauties tap tapping along to the metronome.

“Get up.” She mouthed.

“Ummmm.” He started until she shushed him ruthlessly with one deadly and manicured hand. He did his best to be careful. To not wake the sleeping girl. Natasha’s impatience was a live thing, but he wouldn’t be hurried. Tony grabbed a bottle of water, two aspirin and a bucket. Just in case. He surveyed his temporary charge then remember how cold she got when she was first awake. He found his favorite sweat shirt and placed it where she could see it without throwing up on it if the need should arise.

The hallway was full of three very confused Avenger when he emerged. Tony took in their faces and tried to walk away. It was Steve who stopped him.

“There’s a special place in hell for men who take advantage.”

Tony turned around. “If that’s what you think Cap, then you don’t know me at all.”

“What’s there to know.” Clint interjected. “Your reputation is pretty notorious.” The blonde acrobat was practically livid.

“And reputations are always the truth. Just like the internet. Seems fair. Alright then. Give it to me.” Resigned to his fate, Tony leant against the wall much like he would have done when he was a teenager and being lectured by dear old Dad.

It was Natasha who stilled both the men. Her face was way less murdery than it had been in the lab. “I will be watching.” She warned.

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” He snorted much the way Darcy would and wondered when he started emulating the feisty woman. “What I want to know… is who dropped the ball?” Both Steve and Natasha shot looks toward Clint. “That’s an interesting shade of red Hawkass.”

“Eat a dick.” Clint responded.

“Boys.” Natasha drawled.

“Not for nothing but it’s late and I’m tired.”

“Oh? You didn’t get enough rest?” Clint was ten kinds of snide. Tony didn’t even bother to respond. The walk to the elevator was long. Lonely. The ride was suspiciously quiet from Friday and the loft was just as cold and empty as it had been when he drug himself out of bed that morning. Or was it the morning before? Didn’t matter. Things were not going to be changing anytime soon. It was better this way. Pepper was with Happy and settled. He wasn’t ruining anyone’s life by being himself. So it was too quiet. That’s what they made metal for. He blasted it loud. The way he liked and never could when she was there.

Tony showered and found a pair of soft gray sweatpants. He drank water before his whiskey and crawled into his giant empty bed. Only… it wasn’t as empty as he thought.

“Let me stay.” Darcy said, eyes like liquid. Vulnerable. He didn’t even want to know how she got past Friday. Or if she had anything under his sweat shirt, because from his perspective, she didn’t.

“Don’t hog all the covers.”

“No promises.” That was good enough for him.

 

 


End file.
